The Iceberg of Human Authenticity
Many of us have likely worked under both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ managers in our careers. Some may even have been really bad.
But what determines whether a manager could be considered good or bad?
For most people I speak to, it tends to come down to the way the manager behaves with other human beings. I often hear stories of managers shouting at colleagues, ignoring customers, playing political games or being overly critical all the time and never offering praise to anyone.
I know what they mean — I’ve had the unfortunate pleasure of experiencing all of this myself.
But what determines whether a manager could be considered good or bad?
For most people I speak to, it tends to come down to the way the manager behaves with other human beings. I often hear stories of managers shouting at colleagues, ignoring customers, playing political games or being overly critical all the time and never offering praise to anyone.
I know what they mean — I’ve had the unfortunate pleasure of experiencing all of this myself.
So, I wondered, what would cause someone to behave like this? Is it because that’s just who they are as a person?
Maybe not.
Let me tell you a story about a ‘bad’ manager that I once worked for.
This person had no time for his team and would often spend his days locked up in a directors office (you know, the ones in the corner with the nice views).
If someone needed his help, he would question why they can’t just go and figure it out for themselves.
If someone was deemed to be underperforming, he would haul them into a room and tell them to sort it out or they would get sacked.
During team meetings, he would name and shame anyone in the team for any mistakes they may have made recently.
As you can imagine, getting up to go to work in the mornings was hard.
And then one day, I happened to bump into him outside of work…although at first, I wasn’t even sure it was the same person!
The person that greeted me was completely different — he was incredibly pleasant and friendly. He checked how I was and thanked me for some recent work I had completed, noting some key positive highlights, which I had no idea he even knew or cared about.
I was gob-smacked. How could this possibly be the same person we encountered at work?
As the conversation went on, he started to open up more. He explained how he cared about the team and wanted to fit in with us, but acknowledged no one liked him and felt a bit lost and helpless. He became quite emotional.
I was still reeling from what I was witnessing and wasn’t sure how to respond tactfully but knew somewhere deep down that I had to be honest. So, I just came out and told him that he should listen to the team more, spend more time with them, build bonds, give praise and support them as much as possible.
He stood quietly for a moment, looking into the distance. And then he sighed.
“You are right” he said, and admitted that deep down he wanted to do all of these things, but that the approach he took to managing was based on how the directors wanted him to be when they offered the role.
They wanted him to play ‘hardball’, stamp out mistakes or perceived poor performance, focus on tasks they assigned to him rather than the team’s needs.
He also went on to say it was his first management role and thought that the director’s approach was fairly standard in the business world, as he’d encountered this behaviour plenty of times in his own career.
But actually, he said, on a personal level, their approach didn’t sit well with him at all.
He went quiet again, looking conflicted as the battle between what he was told to do and what he wanted to do raged on in his mind. After a short while, he reached a conclusion.
With conviction, he declared that he would follow his instinct and do the right thing by the team as of the next working day.
I was so relieved to hear it and just hoped he followed through…
The next time we were in the office, true to his word, he moved desks to be with the team.
He apologised profusely for the way he had behaved and asked what he could do to make up for it and help us move forward.
He supported us with every problem or query that arose, taking the time to really listen and understand before guiding us to an answer.
He focused on sharing success stories, giving ample credit to those who had earnt it.
You could say he was a changed man.
But actually, I believe he just became his authentic self.
What can we learn from this experience?
That there’s great value in being empathetic towards those who’s behaviour isn’t considered great from our perspective and take the time to try and understand why. Just like in the image at the top, there’s so much we don’t see or know of the lives of other humans that are impacting their behaviours and thinking.
Also, with the right support, encouragement and some thinking space, humans are more than capable of changing their ways for the better or realising who they really are deep down, and we just need to give one another these opportunities.
And as time went on and I continued to meet and work with a variety of humans both inside and outside of work, I realised just how often we leave fundamental parts of ourselves at the front door of workplaces — often our best parts.
So, I leave you with three questions to ponder:
How can we better comprehend the fulness of one another in our busy lives?
How could we remain whole and bring our authentic selves at work?
And in being authentic, what positive impacts would that have on our experiences at work?